Two years ago, at about 3:00 a.m. on New Year’s Day, my wife and I came home from a party in our neighborhood, within easy walking distance of our apartment. I maintain to this day that, while I had indeed imbibed, I was not excessively inebriated. It was a particularly cold night, with some precipitation, so there was some icy groundcover. But the chill was bracing, and the walk home was not unenjoyable. New York interiors tend to get uncomfortably warm during the winter, sometimes so much so that running outside in your shirtsleeves is a welcome relief. Having spent the night inside at a party, I was indeed warmish, and I’d had enough to drink that I was warmish inside and out; so this wintry walk home felt delightful. It was slippery, though, as there was already some packed snow on the ground, and a little frozen light rain on top of that. So, it was delightful but dangerous, like a cute little baby holding a weapon.
Anyway, we get home, and my wife got ready for bed while I took the dog out. My dog is a sweetheart, and she’s deaf. That means she’s distracted by everything she sees or smells, and she doesn’t listen, but she’s adorable while she’s ignoring you. We were about a block from the apartment when she did her second order of business, right on a really slick section of sidewalk. And somehow, when I went to pick it up, she pulled the leash, I lost my balance, and I cracked face-first into the pavement.
My first thought was that I’d gone straight into the poo. All at once, I was trying to keep hold of her, get to my feet on the ice, and make sure my face wasn’t smeared with doggie doo. I stood up, sufficiently convinced myself I was unbefouled, and bent down again to pick up the poop…and she jerked the leash in the opposite direction. I fell again, harder this time, on the other side of my face. By the grace of God, I missed the poo again. My face was stinging and throbbing. If I’d been in a cartoon, birds would have tweeted around my head in an orbit of stars. I pulled myself up using the wall of the building – this all happened on somebody’s doorstep – and staggered the long block home.
In the garish light of our bathroom, my face looked horrible. Worse than horrible. I probably should have gone to the hospital, but I was too embarrassed. I looked like a bloodied ThunderCat. I iced it for about an hour, took three or four Aleve, and went to bed. The next morning, it looked even worse. That was the beginning of 2010.
And then, not long after, I wrote a lyric about it. I think it’s one of the better things I’ve written, one of the things I’m not shy about sharing. It’s very much in my mind today, too, because 2011 was such a strange year, full of blissful highs and abysmal lows. It’s a way of reminding myself that there’s always something good ahead, I guess, and I need some good things to happen in 2012. And it’s even better when you can hear Josh Freilich’s fantastic music for it, but I don’t have a recording, so the lyrics will have to do for now.
UP
THREE HOURS INTO A BRAND NEW YEAR,
I’M WALKING MY DOG, OOH,
WALKING MY DOG, AND SHE POOPS ON A PATCH OF ICE.
BENDING DOWN TO PICK IT UP,
I FALL ON MY FACE.
BOOM.
WITH INEBRIATE GRACE, I FALL TWICE.
BOOM. BOOM.
THE LEASH IS ALL TANGLED,
MY FACE IS ALL MANGLED,
BUT IT’S HARD TO BE MAD AT MY PUP.
WHEN YOU START OFF THE YEAR FALLING TWICE ON YOUR FACE,
THERE’S NOWHERE TO GO BUT UP.
YEAH.
AND THIS’LL BE THE YEAR,
I’M GONNA GET ALL MY SHIT STRAIGHT.
I’LL PAY OFF MY DEBTS,
LOSE THIRTY POUNDS AND WORK OUT.
THIS’LL BE THE YEAR,
I FIGURE OUT WHAT TO DO WITH MY LIFE.
GOODBYE TO INSECURITY,
SELF-DELUSION AND DOUBT.
I’M TIRED OF THE DREGS,
I WANT TO SIP THE FOAM,
SPILLING OFF THE BRIM OF MY CUP.
WHEN YOU START OFF THE YEAR FACE DOWN ON THE GROUND,
THERE’S NOWHERE TO GO BUT UP,
NOWHERE TO GO BUT UP.
THIS’LL BE THE YEAR,
I RECONNECT WITH ALL MY FRIENDS.
I’LL REBUILD THE BRIDGES
I SWORE I WOULD NEVER REBUILD.
THIS’LL BE THE YEAR,
I MAKE MONEY IN MY GODDAMN SLEEP.
I’LL GET CAUGHT UP ON MY TAXES,
AND MY BANK ACCOUNT WILL BE FILLED.
I’M TIRED OF BEING SHY,
STANDING OFF TO THE SIDE,
AFRAID TO STEP OUT AND SAY, ’S UP?
WHEN YOU START OFF THE YEAR SMACK KISSING THE DIRT,
THERE’S NOWHERE TO GO BUT UP,
NOWHERE TO GO BUT UP.
OH, EACH SCRAPE WAS A RESOLUTION,
AN UNSPOKEN VOW,
WRITTEN AND SIGNED IN BLOOD.
OH, EACH SCAR MARKS MY EVOLUTION,
REMINDING ME HOW,
I’M RISING UP OUT OF THE MUD.
AND
THIS’LL BE THE YEAR,
I FINALLY LET MY DEFENSES DOWN,
LEARN ALL THE LESSONS
THE UNIVERSE WANTS ME TO LEARN.
THIS’LL BE THE YEAR,
I BRAVELY STEP INTO THE SPOTLIGHT,
EARN EVERY REWARD
OPPORTUNITY ALLOWS ME TO EARN.
AND EVERYONE I MEET,
THEY’LL SAY, “MY, YOU’VE CHANGED,”
I’LL WINK AND I’LL SMILE AND SAY, YUP.
WHEN YOU START OFF THE YEAR MAKING OUT WITH THE SIDEWALK,
THERE’S NOWHERE TO GO BUT UP.
NOWHERE TO GO BUT UP.
IT’S NOT SO STRANGE,
END OF DISCUSSION,
YOUR LIFE CAN CHANGE
WITH A MILD CONCUSSION.
IF YOU START FEELING LOW,
LIKE YOU’RE STUCK AT THE BOTTOM
YOU DON’T NEED TO MAKE PLANS,
‘CAUSE YOU GOT ‘EM.
YOU ALREADY KNOW,
YOU GOT NOWHERE TO GO,
BUT…
UP.
Happy New Year, y’all!
