I went in today to put myself on video for a movie audition. Overall, a good experience. I read really freaking well. I mean, better than decent. Like, maaaaaaaaaybe I might kinda sorta have a shot. And I was able to get a copy of the audition emailed to me, so of course, when I finally got home, what do you think I did?
Well, first, I made dinner for Cammie and me. I did a pan of salmon fillets in the oven with olive oil, capers, and red onions; and I cooked some eggplant down in some red gravy, which I served over some fiori pasta that’s shaped like little flowers. That, some wine, and some British sitcoms – tonight, three episodes of Nathan Barley, brilliant – and I was ready to take a peek at the video and savor this glamorous artifact of my life as an actor in New York.
But something went horribly wrong. Somehow between the studio and the email attachment, someone replaced me with…well, let me show y’all some examples of what “I” suddenly looked like:
No, wait. There’s more…
Do you notice anything in common here?
Yes, I was mortified to discover that I have become triangular. I’ve always feared roundness, but it turns out that horror has another shape entirely. DUKAN DIET, HERE I COME!
I keep thinking of this clip. (I have no idea who Mitchell and Greg are, though.)
Yeah, I keep thinking of that, but I keep hearing this:
Triangle Man, Triangle Man. Really? Has it come to this? I mean, I knew I wasn’t Particle Man, but come on.
Next stop? Universe Man, Universe Man, SIZE OF THE ENTIRE UNIVERSE MAN!
They Might Be Giants, indeed.
(I wanted to use the Tiny Toons video for this song, but copyright is a royal pain in the goolah.)